I sit here with tears streaming down my face.
Tears of happiness mixed with those of sadness.
I try so hard not to look back at this year and make myself out to be a victim, but all I keep thinking as I scroll through pic after pic on my phone of me smiling trying to make the best of everything is wonder how the fuck I got to where I am in this very moment.
And then, I remember.
All the moments this year when life felt like an uphill battle.
All the times when I had negative balances in my bank account.
All the moments when I received notices from credit card companies for not paying.
The times when I could barely drag myself out of bed wondering how I let things get so bad.
The days when I was out with the family and all I could think about was how the fuck am I ever going to make money doing what I love.
I kept going during all those times.
Even when I didn't understand how it was ever going to work.
Even when I felt like this is all for nothing.
Even when I had zero clarity in the direction to go in but decided to show up anyways because I knew that by continuing to put action out there into the Universe even if it wasn't clear action that I would eventually, EVENTUALLY see some sort of progress.
And now, as we begin to wind down the year that is 2017 I see a shining light.
I see the beginning of some of the most abundant times I have ever experienced in my life.
I see love and joy and happiness and all there is to feel grateful for.
Some of those things have dollar signs attached to them; while others having beating hearts.
Some of those things include a new-found appreciation and acceptance for who I am RIGHT NOW. While some of those things include the new-found knowledge that I can create ANYTHING I desire and make it a reality in my life. And I mean ANYTHING.
So, even though the past year has been one of struggle and pain and working through intense emotions and feelings that I didn't even know existed. It is also a year that has transformed me into the woman I've always dreamed of being.
One that can be herself and know she is loved. One that can believe and trust in herself even if nobody on the outside understands what she's doing. One that deserves all the greatness in life for all the greatness she desires to give to the world.
That's the woman that I've always imagined in my mind. And, that my friends, is the woman I now am thanks to the year 2017 <3